Dear Holly,
I am a homeschooler and I am in a circle of tons of homeschool moms with large families. One very big concern I have is that as I read through your blog, it seems many of these moms follow this “order” but from my view is very disordered and destructive at times: for instance I can think of 4 moms raising about fifty kids between them affecting about 500 people around them. The husbands don’t necessarily “bring home a paycheck” and the wives are reluctant to tell them how to make a living so they live on donations, in-kind gifts and a whole lot of out-reach from the community. Their homes are in one section neatly organized while the rest of the home, yard, garages are a total disaster. The moms refuse to direct their husband in any capacity and hence they live like chaotic people avoiding hard subjects. I hear things constantly like “I must ask my husband”, “My husband has not told me if I could do that yet” or “I’m not going to lead”, meanwhile the children are suffering from seeing their father do whatever he wants whenever he wants while mom looks like she has been hit by a truck every day. I read through your blog and it seems to replicate so much of these families.

I love my husband, I have a child in seminary and I have battled my husband on very important issues – the good news is that battle ends in an awesome resolution. Avoiding the battles and wars makes them grow in other ways – hit, hit head on. If my husband is being totally unreasonable about things there is no way Iā€™m going to put into play the rule “he is the head of household” – that is not what our Faith teaches us. We have shared responsibility to get each other into Heaven and that doesn’t mean I slack on spiritual works of mercy because he is the “leader of the pack.” My husband is a convert (and it didn’t happen because I tread those waters in fear). We fought the battles of truth out of Love and it wasn’t pretty but my children respect both of us and love us because we didn’t underhandedly manipulate each other, trying to force order when order can only come from first loving out of understanding. So though much of what I see back and forth on your site – I understand your advice, but I’m telling you to think about the woman who are LINEAR thinkers and say if my husband chooses not to work “OH WELL, we will get foods stamps go on welfare and I will keep my peace!” Meanwhile the children are saying Birth Control and a Job are what my future holds! Just my thoughts on how I see many many woman confused about the “ordered” advice…