Dear Holly,
My husband does not and has not helped me ever with morning or evening routines, caring for the kids, housekeeping, no dishes, no trash out, no nothing. Thank God for my faith!! He has some psychological issues. He also works hard, and he drinks every night and is extremely unorganized. Of course, I have asked him to help out. I have begged him!!!! He never had to do that stuff in his home. I married him when I was very young. We have had our share of rough roads and I seek counseling whenever I feel stuck. He is against counseling and thinks it is just a money-maker and that he can do it on his own. We have actually come a long way. Unfortunately, my marriage is my cross. I became a member of one of the lay movements in the Church a few years ago and it brought me so much deeper into my faith and prayer life. It helped him too. I feed my soul with the sacraments and I say my rosary every morning on the treadmill. I hope that things will change, but he has to change. I can’t make him. So I just continue to look for ways to be better for God and for my kids and for him for that matter. I pray for the grace of God to give him wisdom and healing. I do know that I am permitting this situation where he won’t help at home….. but it is very exhausting when I rock the boat. I left once… My struggle has always been being the good holy obedient loving wife, and being a doormat with no control over decisions in our life. I keep trying to communicate to him my needs, but they are usually shot down and belittled….. Maybe I am just tired of trying……tired of arguing (because try as I might, that is usually what happens). I also never really know what I will get with him. I am telling you all of the bad, but he adores us (me and the kids) and loves his faith and is driven and hardworking. Not making excuses, but ‘there is hope’ is my point.